This Chemo Crap is a BEAST!

So, here I am, Day 7 of Chemo Week #2 and I am still in the buzzy little foggy head space that my chemo seems to induce.  I'm still convinced I did this Chemo Week better than the first Chemo Week, but I am bothered that doing it 'better' didn't shorten the duration or solve a couple of the least pleasant things about Chemo Week....I know, I know....

Of course, I've pondered the differences - I think I am determined to get it "all figured out" for the very last infusion.  Like it's a puzzle or a challenge (which it is) or something I can get certified in.

One of the main differences is the absence of my husband.  He was able to take 5 days off last time and he is calming.  To me, at least.  He brings strength and warmth and calm and broad shoulders and laughter to my days.  He's not used to taking care of me - I gladly accept the role of nurturer in this family, so I guess it's a little weird for both of us.  But MAN, he's good at it - just by being here.

Another difference - no Nationals.  Last time, my daughter was competing at Nationals in dance and I am all about ignoring any symptoms or inconveniences when something needs to be done.  Hair changes and dream duffles and costume changes and cheering and pictures and packing snacks.  Those served me well last Chemo Week.  I was so busy making sure I could do all that I needed to do, I lost track of the energy it took or how I was feeling or having time to be annoyed by any of it.

Last difference (I assume) is this is now Infusion #2...more poison.  More impact?  Probably.  So, an extra day of jittery or buzzy or jangly or whatever is probably to be expected.

Top it all off with a HUGE pile of hair that came out of my head this morning!

"It's only hair.  It's only hair.  It's only hair..."  I know it logically.  Heck, I even look like I still have a full head of hair to the average observer who didn't pull out, watch fall out and stop from going down the drain and then pile up my hair for a marathon nearly-5-hour hair crisis this morning.

Suffice it to say - if you have long, naturally curly hair and are doing chemo cold caps - you may not want to follow the instructions to the tee on the web site.  I did as instructed, using clips and not bands, washing only twice a week during non-infusion weeks, not combing or wetting my hair for an entire week+ (this includes 3 days before and 5 days after chemo), and just 'leaving it alone'.

Oh. My. Goodness.

When I finally got in the shower at 6:40am this morning to wash and condition my hair - there was a matted rat's nest the size of a baseball in my hair.  It took me, my husband, the big comb we bought, a ton of conditioner, 8 or 9 times in the shower to let the water try and untangle my hair and finally, a trip to PetSmart for a special comb for matted fur.  My husband is not only calming - he's a 'think-outside-the-box' (and species) kind of guy!  I considered not typing that - because really, who wants to admit they had to use a doggy comb?  Oh well, this will crack me up someday!  (It actually cracked us up several times this morning...but it was that disturbing, anxious laughter on my part!)

I tried to tackle it all by myself before the rest of the house was up and finally had to toss in the white towel.

I had a feeling I was going to lose a LOT of hair - I could feel that mass last night when I tried to readjust the clip so I could get comfortable and try and sleep (something which has been alluding me for the past 2 nights).  I was worried, but had no idea it would be this bad.

It took nearly 5 hours before we finally got it all untangled.  And all the while, I kept piling up the hair...it was a massive amount.  I feel certain I did not see it all...I am 99% sure Patrick was tucking strands into his pockets so I wouldn't notice how much was coming out....I just love him!

And then there was the hair that I lost walking to the car and in the car and probably on the stairs and at the pet store and in the final shower I took because combing and raking and unmatting your hair for 5 hours is a LOT of work.  I had to start over or risk offending everyone I came in contact with today.  Nothing like a good anxiety sweat to go with major hair loss and chemo fog.



But it's over.  It's done.  It is what it is and I'm okay.

We made a memory - my sweet husband and I.  We laughed and were silly in the midst of this distressing task.  He was kind and practical and sometimes all business and sometimes so gentle and sometimes the perfect mix of both.  And, as trivial as it sounds after all that - my hair is CLEAN!  I had no idea how spoiled and first-world I am...but not being able to wash my hair every day has been a challenge.

I was exhausted.  I took a nap.  I cleaned a bathroom (except the tub...I just can't lean over this week...my balance is at best, that of a drunken 80 year old after a hard night.) and now I am typing and frantically eating cherries.

The sweet tooth is in full-force.  And right now - cherries and nectarines are my Jones.  The nausea stays at bay as long as I honor my body's need to eat real food.  A sip or two of gingerale and root beer is okay, but no junk.  I pay dearly for junk.

So, cherries and nectarines it is.  With clean hair.  And a clean upstairs bathroom.  And two sleeping dogs at my feet.  And lots of ice water.  And this new (soon-to-be) hysterical memory of the Dog-Comb-To-The-Rescue, Five Hour Detangling Session...and my lovingly piled up bits of "it's just hair."

I am hoping to come out the other side of Chemo Week #2 by day after tomorrow - but if it takes an extra day or two...I'm going to do my best to roll with it...'cause this Chemo Crap is a BEAST!